Dealing with Anxiety from Medical Tests and Procedures with IBD

By Varada Srivastava (India)

I have been in remission for the past 2 years, but even in remission I am required to regularly get blood and stool tests done. Recently one of my tests showed I had inflammation and I realized even after years, I experience the same type of anxiety about it. I've broken it down into 3 stages:

My Three Stages of Anxiety

1. Anxiety of getting the test and/or procedure done

Tests and/or procedures, like an MRI or colonoscopy, are infamous for having a really difficult prep. I personally get very worried whenever the doctor recommends I should get a colonoscopy or MRI enterography done. The prep for both these tests produces immense amounts of anxiety for me. The procedure in itself is very painful as well. Unfortunately, for people with IBD these tests are a must to see the inflammation of the digestive tract.

2. Anxiety about the results

Getting anxious about the results is very common whether you're in remission or dealing with a flare. Being scared about the worst case scenario, thinking about how much work or school you’ll be missing if the test results are bad, wondering whether the medication has stopped working are all fears that may come up. I think this is the most common and debilitating type of anxiety to feel. Working through it seems difficult especially without the support of friends and family.

3. Anxiety about life after the results

Hopefully the results we get are positive and that's the end of the anxiety cycle, at least till next time. Unfortunately if the result is bad, all the questions we ask ourselves while spiraling become very real issues that need to be addressed. Figuring out medical insurance issues, getting leave from work or school, finding ways to get out of social events are all obstacles that we need to overcome. The main question that arises is how to deal with this cycle and is there any way to break it? I have not yet discovered a way in which I do not engage in this cycle but I have found little ways to manage it better.

How I have learned to manage anxiety better

1. Talk to your family and friends

This is the most obvious but also the most effective way to exit an anxiety spiral. Find someone you trust and confide in them. Tell them about your fears, no matter how ridiculous or unrealistic they sound.

2. Support group or therapy

If you find it difficult to talk to your family about this or are concerned about worrying them. Try to find a support group or a therapist. One of the benefits of joining a support group will always be that you’ll be surrounded by people who regularly go through something similar. There are many wonderful support groups that can be found online as well!

3. Focus on self care

Make yourself a priority. Eat good food and drink plenty of water, meditate as often as possible, journal, go out for a walk, play with your pet, facetime your friends, watch your favorite tv series. Try to engage in activities that you enjoy as much as possible.

Find what works best for you!

Featured photo by Pixabay

Friendship and IBD: Know when to not give advice

By Varada Srivastava (India)

Hanging out with friends, attending parties, going to school are all things kids with Crohn's disease lose out on. You’re hospitalized or too sick to get out of bed many times, especially during the beginning stages of diagnosis. Not to mention the mental health issues that come with dealing with a chronic illness from a young age - anxiety, depression, PTSD associated with hospitalization are all too common. It can be very difficult to maintain friendships when you’re trying to survive daily life. How people react to your chronic illness is one of the pivotal points of friendship. I couldn't help but notice a pattern between the friendships I’ve maintained over the years. The common factor between them has been my friends’ ability to listen and not give unsolicited advice when I am talking about my disease. This is a quality I personally look for, however I have heard from many of my other friends who have a chronic illness that this is something they appreciate as well.

As someone who has been living with this illness for more than 6 years now, I have received my fair share of undesired advice from family, friends and random strangers. It is something that really aggravates me. Getting advice when you're trying to rant is pretty annoying in general but when you add IBD - something that is a very personal and a sensitive topic - the reaction you get can be explosive. Living with a chronic illness is tricky, most of us have figured out what works for us whether it's medicine or food after a long and painful journey. And as young adults, most of that journey is still left. One of the main reasons why some of us have such a negative reaction towards this is because it comes across as insensitive and like a privileged view on something very complicated.

This however, doesn’t mean that you don't look out for your friends with IBD. One of the foundations of a good friendship is caring for and helping out your friends. If you are a loved one of someone who suffers from a chronic illness, ironically, this is the advice I would give you:

1

Ask your friend whether this is something they are comfortable talking about. Never push them to talk about their diagnosis, medicines or journey.

2

Don't take it personally if this is something they would like to keep private. Many of us have gone through very difficult diagnosis journeys and talking about them can bring back a lot of trauma.

3

Research about the condition. Try to understand where your friend is coming from and what they struggle with on a daily basis.

4

Try not to give unsolicited advice, but do intervene if you notice them doing something that may not be in their best interest.

Having a good support system is extremely important for someone with a chronic illness. Friends give us a safe space to express and explore our emotions. Friends are, in reality, the best emotional medicine for people like us to overcome sadness and motivate us to take a leap of faith to transform our lives for the better.

Photo by Helena Lopes from Pexels.

Keeping Up with Your Care

By Isabela Hernandez (Florida, U.S.A.)

Having a chronic condition isn’t easy. It’s something that needs constant upkeep, monitoring, and attentiveness. For me, a sometimes lazy 22-year-old college student, keeping up with my care is at times the last thing I want to do. I’ve neglected to refill my prescriptions, get my labs done, and reschedule my appointments. It is not something I am trying to recommend to anyone, but the difficultly of taking care of yourself is sometimes just plain irritating and difficult.

The way I’ve justified this behavior is: if I am going to have my ulcerative colitis forever, then I can take care of this later.

It creates this toxic cycle of neglect that can lead to dangerous outcomes. Once I let this neglect and annoyance take over, it’s difficult to pull myself out of it. Sometimes my wakeup call is even a mini flare. This would happen to me because I would view my disease as this burden that I could never escape. Something that only I had to constantly maintain day in and day out, and no one else. With this mentality, there was no way I was going to stay on top of my care. I would ignore things and push appointments off as much as possible. However, after my neglect facilitated the progression of an intense flare, I realized I needed to incorporate my disease into my life in a positive way.

What helped me the most was just treating my ulcerative colitis as a class that I needed to do assignments for and keep up with.

I started to schedule things into my day and treat it as task, rather than a pestering duty that if I didn’t do it, my health would suffer. Sometimes I would even write things into my planner so I could visually see that at this hour I absolutely needed to take my medication and at that hour I needed to call my physician for follow up labs. These were small changes that helped me stay as present as possible while trying to take care of my Ulcerative Colitis. It is something easier said than done but it is okay if you sometimes feel like taking care of yourself is too much and it is too hard. It’s because it is. It’s hard, its draining, and sometimes laziness takes over.

IBD patients are fundamentally built in a way that our health is the one thing always consuming our thoughts, and at some points this mentality overwhelms the mind.

And it is ok, too, at times get angry at our disease and wonder what life would be like without it, but this does no one any good. If you’re anything like me, finding ways to schedule health tasks into your day rather than just “getting around to it” really changed how I take care of myself. It relieved stressors that would follow if I didn’t do certain things for my care and allowed me to just do the task and move on. Just remember that even on days when we don’t feel like taking care of ourselves, we are still doing the best that we can do. 

This article is sponsored by Trellus

Trellus envisions a world where every person with a chronic condition has hope and thrives. Their mission is to elevate the quality and delivery of expert-driven personalized care for people with chronic conditions by fostering resilience, cultivating learning, and connecting all partners in care.

Friendship and IBD

“Friendship is the hardest thing in the world to explain. It’s not something you learn in school. But if you haven’t learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven’t learned anything.” – Muhammad Ali

I started with this beautiful friendship quote because I’m going to talk about Friendship in this article. Friendship is a very unique relationship. Friends are not related to us by blood, even though they won’t have any expectation in the relationship they are always with us to support, to help, and to find purpose and meaning in our life. For me, they’re one of my major pillars in my life. The emotional bond between my friends and I helped me to recover back my strength, especially during pre and post-surgery. In this article, I would like to share how my friends helped me to build back my strength during my early days of being diagnosed with Crohn’s.

My friends have been good listeners. Whenever I have problems, the first group of people that I look for are my friends, not even my family, because my friends are willing spend their time to listen to my problems and my feelings. They’re fully present when I start to talk. There are no distraction such as phones, people, or work, and they give their 100% focus to what I’m saying. I was in campus during the time I was officially diagnosed with Crohn’s. I was depressed, and they were the ones l looked for to talk to and to share of my health condition with. Once I uttered everything I wanted to say, they kept silent for a moment and then they started to give their suggestions. The point is, they listened and digested my problem before giving their best solution. I think this is the best part of friendship because they didn’t jump to conclusions. Instead, they listened to me first.

They cheer me up with great humor. My friends do understand laughter is one of best medicines to keep me healthy. My friends, unlike myself, are funny and their sense of humor always bring me happiness. In our conversations, there are always some funny jokes that make me laugh. Even when I’m in a bad mood, they are able to make me laugh and refresh my mood and cheer me up. In fact, friends with a good sense of humor can make our world feel good. Whenever I spend time with them, I never have a thought of pains, depression, or that I have Crohn’s.

Another great quality of my friends is that they care about my daily activities. This is an important quality that my friends show toward me that I really appreciate in them. Caring friends take a lot of dedication and love to keep the relationship always warm. My friends often call me to ensure I’m doing fine. They accompany me for my endoscopy appointment every year. They take extra caution on my food intake whenever we go out to eat. There are many more things that they do for me. And, most importantly, they also like to use positive words to keep encouraging me. They’re say encouraging words such as “you can do it Sara”, “you must be strong” to motivate me so that I can keep moving on in my life. Their words give me more confidence and strength whenever I need it. Their words lead my thoughts and emotions to positive ways.

Friends provides a place for us to share and to discuss our feelings. In fact, friends are the best emotional medicine for people like us to overcome from depression and lift us up and encourage us to take a leap of faith to change our life into something better.

Caregivers: Spotlit in the Shadows

Recently, one of HONY’s long (12-part) post blew up, allowing another miracle to be added to the community’s ever-growing testament to human generosity and compassion. The posts follow the journey of Cristy’s Kitchen, through Cristy’s life, roles and perspective. A mother to 5 girls, she started experimenting with food recipes only when her first daughter started showing autoimmune illness signs as a teenager. It’s been made clear from her story that she first started her recipes, which have since garnered significant attention from many people all over the world, only because she wanted to help her daughters with their illnesses. Her life and actions speak of love, grit, determination, hope and faith, and I think some of us, as patients of autoimmune diseases, can relate to having people like her in our own lives, carrying us in our darkest moments.

 Caregivers undoubtedly play an immense role in a patient’s life. It can be argued that for chronic conditions like IBD, personal relationships with family, friends and significant others can ultimately only last if the relations juggle their roles between being caregivers and their normal roles (father, mother, sibling, significant other, friend). The mix of the uncertain characteristics of chronic autoimmune conditions with the current overburdened healthcare systems across the globe, caregivers are the ultimate backbone that help people survive not only through the physical realities, but also through the psychological, emotional, and financial turmoil. Yet for all we say about invisible diseases, not much is said about this significant invisible labor. Caregivers not only help us, patients, but are the unacknowledged help to doctors and hospitals, when they help buy time for diagnosis, and take our rollercoaster up-and-down rides with us.

  Caregivers: A South Asian Context

Generally, in south Asian communities, mothers already shoulder the huge burden of bringing up children and caring for their wellbeing, oftentimes even at the cost of their own health. For young adults with IBD in India, the role of the mother as a prominent caregiver is heightened and intensified for two main reasons: (1) overburdened private and public healthcare systems, (2) lack of mental health normalization and support infrastructure. It is also important to acknowledge, however, that prominent caregivers can also be fathers, older siblings and other family members just as much as mothers. It is normalized to blame these caregivers, more often than not mothers, for any “defects” that a child may have, whether that is due to the child not adhering to the community’s rules, or because the child is unable to perform in a way that the community deems fit. IBD and autoimmune conditions from a south Asian lens is widely considered a fault, and one that cannot be tolerated to come out of nothing, leading to further the idea of blaming the mother for not doing enough and/or failing to stop the illness. However, as patients, we eventually come to accept and acknowledge the curious nature of autoimmune diseases (that they cannot be predicted, nor caused or solved), and we witness not only our grit during hopeless times, but also frequently, the origin of that: the love, grit and hope our caregivers show. To have that labor and foundational support go unwitnessed and unpaid by the world around us is one thing, but hearing negative comments that place blame and point fingers is another. 

In my personal circumstances, my mother was the first person I revealed my symptoms to, the only person to accompany me to every doctor’s appointment and lab appointment, and stayed awake with me on countless nights as I turmoiled through the pain and bathroom visits during my flare ups. She outstandingly also showed up when I took the decision to spend a year in rural India, with limited and chaotic bathroom, food and water provisions, riddled me through my bursts of insecurity, and stood as an unwavering pillar of physical and emotional support when I was hospitalized. I can say for certain that I only survived ulcerative colitis and my year in rural India because of her. In my sibling’s case, my father went above and beyond being his main caregiver, and at times, mine too. And yet, while I try to distance myself repeatedly from the guilt of having an illness that has no clear cause, I also deal with people blaming my parents, trying their hardest to find a recipient for the blame. It is heartbreaking.

 These comments not only arise from common people, but can also show up in the tone and words from well-educated and trustworthy people, like doctors. While it may seem that the above actions are on the list of expected actions that a mother/caregiver has to carry out, it is important to highlight that it is absolutely not necessary and still constitutes labor and time that could be used elsewhere in return for payment. Additionally, from a productive economy/labor perspective, IBD patients are almost only “productive” to the economy due to the invisible support of their caregivers. This is yet another reason that begs policymakers over the globe to consider the unique circumstances of patients of chronic autoimmune diseases and recognize the unbeatable power of caregivers in their fight.

What I Wish My Newly-Diagnosed Self Knew

Sitting in the patient chair, hearing your doctor say “you have Inflammatory Bowel Disease” can be terrifying and change your life in a matter of seconds. These words come with both a massive feeling of relief and validation, knowing that your symptoms are not just in your head and that you will finally receive the help you deserve. But, along with this relief, comes terrifying thoughts, too many google searches, and the realization that you will have this diagnosis for the rest of your life. Feelings such as anxiety, fear, and loneliness follow with no sense of direction. When looking back at my newly diagnosed self, I wish I could hug her and tell her everything I know now.

It‘s not your fault 

The guilt that comes with a new diagnosis is unexplainable. My mind wandered, time and time again, over what I might have done to cause my diagnosis. Was it loving toaster strudels as a kid and eating a few too many? Was I too stressed at my internship? Was it previous medications that disrupted the microbiome in my gut? The truth is, you can let your mind wander for as long as it wants, but you are NOT the reason behind your illness and you are NOT at fault. Many people, including myself, strongly believe and are determined that everything has a purpose and that everything happens for a reason. Although some may argue this belief, obsessing over what may have caused your diagnosis and blaming yourself will do nothing but harm. Inflammatory bowel disease is not the result of a bad decision or bad karma, and something that is most important to understand is that you are not to blame. Once you come to peace with your diagnosis and become confident in the unknown, you will begin to heal in ways you never have before. 

The importance of your healthcare team 

As a young adult diagnosed with Crohn’s disease, I was scared, lonely and afraid. After years of fighting for a doctor to take me seriously, I felt unworthy of receiving proper treatment and advocating for myself to my healthcare team. With help from a handful of individuals, I slowly realized that I should be looked after by healthcare professionals that listen, support, and are trustworthy. Not only does this apply to gastroenterologists, but also to other medical professionals that make up your healthcare team. If your gastroenterologist does not support you and undermines your symptoms, shop around for a new gastroenterologist that makes you feel comfortable, heard and safe. Additionally, a gastroenterologist is not the only medical professional that should be on your team. If you are able, reach out to a dietician, nutritionist, or naturopath certified in food nutrition to receive guidance on diet, food choices, vitamins, and supplements to support your health. Lastly, do not be afraid to seek out help for your mental health. The stress that comes with a new diagnosis can be extremely heavy, and for some, stress can aggravate GI symptoms and flares. The best decision I made was seeing a therapist to help me through my past traumas and transition into entering society post-diagnosis while dealing with debilitating symptoms. A wide range of healthcare professionals will allow you to thrive and succeed in ways you didn't even know were possible. Here in Canada, dieticians, nutritionists, naturopaths, and therapists are not covered by OHIP. If you do have insurance, these types of professionals are usually covered. If you are not able to cover the costs for these additional healthcare professionals, reach out to your GI to see if there are any subsidized or low-cost options available to you. Also, many universities and colleges offer free or low-cost therapists and nutrition counselling. 

Find your support group 

An Inflammatory Bowel Disease diagnosis is scary and may leave you feeling as if you need to be independent through this journey as you don’t want to burden others. Putting up a wall and pretending like you are fine is something I did more times than I should have after my diagnosis. I had such a hard time being vulnerable and admitting I was not ok. With that being said, the best thing I could have done was confide in a few trusted friends and family members. Opening up to my loved ones allowed me to feel more comfortable asking for help when it was needed and having a safe space to vent. Opening up to my support system allowed me to express my fears and challenges, gave me the opportunity to have someone join me at healthcare appointments and to also receive help when I was flaring. 

If you are located in Canada, Crohn’s and Colitis Canada not only offers regional support groups where you can meet fellow peers with IBD, but they also offer a mentorship program where you have the opportunity to be mentored by someone who is experienced in navigating the hardships of IBD. Additionally, reach out to your schools accessibility centre to find out if there are any IBD groups with individuals around your age to network with. Lastly, joining Facebook or Instagram pages that connect others with IBD is a great way to speak to people who understand what you are going through.

Grief    

As a newly diagnosed young adult, the negative feelings and thoughts of living with a chronic disease for the rest of your life can be endless. Dealing with healthcare appointments and debilitating symptoms that not many other young adults experience can leave you feeling defeated and hopeless. Something important that I have learned throughout my journey is that it’s important to sit in those feelings and take the time you need to process them. Take time to grieve your old life and the life you pictured for yourself, but also remember everything positive that this diagnosis will give you. You will be stronger, resilient, and more empathetic to those around you. You will view the world in such a way that you never have before, and you will become more intuitive with your body and mind through this journey. If your feelings of grief become overwhelming, reach out to a trusted friend, family member or a mental health professional. Although my diagnosis has been challenging to say the least, I promise you there are things my diagnosis has given me that I am beyond grateful for and I wish I was reassured of when I was newly diagnosed. 

To the newly diagnosed IBD warriors, you are amazing, resilient and strong. An unpredictable and serious diagnosis such as IBD will be challenging and difficult, but you are not alone and you never will be.

The Patient-Doctor Relationship

Why is a good relationship with the doctor important for patients?

Have you ever considered how your relationship with you doctor affects your health?

“There is no cure. Only control of the disease symptoms”. How many times have you heard this? How harsh does it sound, especially the first time?  

Are you ready to build a new relationship, a completely different relationship with your doctor? This relationship will be unlike any other relationship and certainly no one has experienced it again until the time of diagnosis. 

This is a long-term relationship that will evolve over time. Your doctor will know many things about your personal life, your job, your family, etc. Above all, however, over time, he or she will learn YOU, and your personality. 

And why this is important?

As a patient you have to break down the wall around you and allow the doctor to enter your world, the world of your disease and how you experience it, even for a while. Of course, the doctor must have the empathy required for that.

This will not happen overnight. It may take years to build this relationship. As this relationship begins to build, you will feel the doctor as a member of your family, you will share with him or her important moments. 

Is always the relationship between patient and doctor like that?

Unfortunately, no - however, I deeply appreciate those doctors who patiently and carefully support patients with chronic diseases. It’s nice to see a person being 100% present.

How My Mental Health Was Affected by IBD

Mental health has been on my mind a lot lately. From hearing it in relation to the COVID-19 pandemic, to having conversations about the need for more resources for IBD patients, to dealing with my own experiences with depression and anxiety - mental health resources are perhaps one of the most underrated and underfunded sectors of healthcare. I realize this as I’ve gotten older, immersed myself in the medical field, and as I have utilized it for my own mental health after being diagnosed with ulcerative colitis (UC) in 2016. 

I bet many of you have also dealt with IBD affecting your mental health whether you realize it or not. For most of us, we were the only person we knew who had IBD at the time we were diagnosed. Some of us may not have even heard of it until we were told after our colonoscopy or endoscopy. The world around you suddenly feels a lot busier and bigger, and you feel very small and alone. Alone, wrapped up in your thoughts, your pain, your exhaustion, your fear. None of us asked for this. What did we do to deserve this?! In the days after my colonoscopy, this thought permeated my mind and I wanted to curl up in a ball and wish it all away. 

But, you can’t do that when you are a busy pre-med student working full time and taking classes! We are expected to stay strong and keep up our front that says “Everything’s fine,” when, in fact, we’re not. I had great people to talk to and that would listen to me, but I still went through a mourning process. I mourned my life before when I thought I “just had a sensitive stomach.” I mourned that fact that my diet would probably change and change again and that I maybe would have to be on immunosuppressive medication. I dreaded the future conversations that would come up when someone would ask why I had to go to the bathroom so much or why I couldn’t eat or drink something. Really, everything’s fine…

But, it’s not. CHRONIC is a word that I hoped never to hear in regard to my medical history. We now have a new label that we must carry for the rest of our lives, and it’s anything but predictable. We have to explain this diagnosis so many times we feel like it might actually define us. The reality of my UC diagnosis began to truly sink in and anxiety began to seep into my daily life. My energy and concentration was poured into reading about UC, finding a better “diet”, looking for tips on how to achieve and stay in remission, and finding some kind of outlet for my anger and frustration.

Honestly, I should have given myself a little more time to process and try to seek the help of a mental health professional. Now, I think, I should’ve thought about my IBD and mental health together rather than separately. I let myself have a little time to mourn my UC diagnosis, but I thought I needed to be strong and keep my diagnosis to myself, much like others had before me. If we don’t look sick, perhaps no one will know. Even when we try our best to be strong and adapt to this normal, our mental health often still ends up suffering. 

I think it would make such a positive difference in the lives of so many if we are all equipped with a medical and mental health treatment plan after being diagnosed with IBD, because the fact of the matter is that the mental health symptoms are just as debilitating as the physical symptoms of IBD, and they’re often intertwined. We need this kind of support as we manage our diagnosis - which sometimes can land us in the hospital or needing major surgery. I can’t speak to these kinds of experiences, but they can be traumatic in their own ways. How many failed medications or pain does one endure until they receive a potentially life-changing surgery? Thinking of the mental health hurdles that my co-fellows have dealt with and shared so vulnerably leaves me in awe of their strength. When they share what they have lived through, it also makes me sad that there was not adequate mental health services available to some of them when it could have offered an outlet for some of their pain.

Even now, almost 5 years out from my diagnosis, I take medication for my depression/anxiety and have re-established a relationship with a counselor that has experience in treating clients with chronic illnesses. I still go through the peaks and valleys of life and IBD, but, now, I’m better equipped to handle the lows when they hit or when a flare affects my mood and interest in doing things. I want the mental health support that has been so instrumental to some of my healing to be more accessible and affordable for those with IBD in the near future. 

I hope speaking candidly about mental health and sharing some of these reflections helps you feel less alone and more validated in what you’ve been going through. The process of untangling all of these emotions is normal when grappling with a chronic illness diagnosis and what that means for you and those you love. Everyone processes major life changes and trauma differently, but don’t be afraid to ask about mental health services when you see your GI or primary care provider. Finding the right mental health support could be the treatment you never knew you needed. 

What to Expect When a Loved One Gets Diagnosed with IBD

Navigating an IBD diagnosis is not easy. It can be messy and emotional and very tiring. The person diagnosed with IBD will be feeling many emotions, probably all at once. But it’s not just hard on the diagnosed individual; it can be very hard on their loved ones as well. It can be difficult to figure out what to expect and what to say and how to act when you find out someone was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease or ulcerative colitis. Hopefully this article will provide some insight into what to expect when that diagnosis happens. 

The first few hours and days after your loved one gets diagnosed with IBD can be very confusing. You are processing their diagnosis, while trying to be there for them as well. While everyone processes it differently, there are likely some common reactions you can expect. Here are a few things to keep in mind:

• Be prepared to simply be there for them. Whether they want to talk about it or not; whether they want you to accompany them to appointments or infusions; whether they want someone to sit with them while they are sick. And even if they don’t want any of that, make sure that they just know that you will be there if/when they do. Be there for them when they are ready to talk to you. Tell them you are there if they need anything and be ready to back it up with your actions. There is nothing worse than empty words. 

• Be prepared for them to become experts on their own bodies. They will become very familiar with their symptoms and will likely know when something is not right. Learn to trust that. If they tell you they think something is wrong, don’t try to argue with it. 

• Be willing to learn with them. For me, I read up a lot on my diagnosis. I read others’ stories, I read articles, I read medical journals. And I wanted my friends and family to understand some of what I was learning. So, be willing to read the articles they send you. Educate yourself on their disease. Don’t be afraid to be educated. 

• Be ready for the hard days. The days when their medication isn’t working. The days when their Prednisone is making them miserable. The days when they are in the hospital. Not every day will be hard, but some will be. So be prepared when they come. Remind your loved one that it won’t last forever. 

• Also be ready for the good days! The days when they find out they’re in remission. The day when they try a food they haven’t been able to eat in a while and it goes well. The days when they feel like themselves. Just as the bad days come and go, the good days will come, too. 

• Be ready for the doctors’ appointment. Especially when your loved one is first diagnosed and they are working to get control of the disease, there will be a lot of doctors’ visits. There will be ER visits and hospital stays. There might be infusions they have to go to on a regular basis. They may or may not want you to come. Be ready to support them either way. With COVID, they may have wanted you to come and you may not be able to. If that’s the case, try to get creative with ways to make them feel like you’re there. FaceTime them, call them, text them. Do something to make them not feel so alone. 

• Ultimately, be ready for a journey. It isn’t always easy and there will be really hard days. But your loved one is now part of a community that is welcoming and ready to help when they want. There will be people that they can relate to and that can understand them in ways that someone without IBD can’t understand. Encourage them to reach out to people they see on social media. Encourage them to ask questions and not be afraid to speak up. The IBD community is a great one and people are always willing to help! 

Navigating a loved one’s IBD diagnosis can be a daunting thing. It is a lot to process and there is a lot of unknown. But by just being supportive and being attentive to your loved one, things will probably go a lot better than you expect them to. 

How to Support Your Friends with IBD

By Amy Weider

Growing up with Crohn’s Disease you tend to miss a lot of the action: birthday parties, hanging out with friends, and even going to school. It was either I was sick or stuck at another pediatric GI appointment that was 2 hours from my house. And to be honest, for most of my childhood I didn't really have friends. Because of my Crohns, anxiety, and depression, all of which were connected, maintaining friendships was not something I could do. The beginning of high school was just as rough and I lost a lot of friends over my unhealthy coping mechanisms for my depression and, while painful, it taught me a lot. Around my junior year of high school I got the help I needed and my Crohns began to go into remission. I was able to find friends and learn just what it means to have them. I have always been a bit of a weirdo and to find a solid pack of reliable folks that embraced me for my unapologetic behavior and I theirs was a lot more important than I had realized. My now chosen family (LGBTQ way of saying best friends) from college met me when my Crohns was very stable and I had to explain my disease to them. From this, I put together a few ways I found was a good way for them to show me their support  and that made me feel their love and commitment. 

1. Do your research!! 

When a friend opens up to you about their experience it is smart to do a little more investigating to have a medical understanding of the disease. Read some CCYAN articles or follow content creators who have IBD. Also, allowing for space for your friends to open up about their experience with it and understand no two persons have the same lived experience or symptoms. 

2. Be flexible 

IBD can be VERY unpredictable so if you are one of those friends who shame folks for needing to cancel plans or change them (or shame folks in general) reconsider why you do this! A friend’s health, mental or physical, should be your first priority! Be flexible and allow for change.

3. Think about where the group is going to eat before hand

Simple things like this can really make a difference in a friends restaurant experience a lot easier. Ask your friends their dietary restrictions and do not assume that someone who has IBD also has dietary restrictions. Dietary restrictions can really make folks feel like a burden so be transparent and pick a spot for everyone!

4. Support them on good and bad days

It can be rough some days and not pretty. If you haven’t heard from a friend with IBD in a while, reach out. Flares can cause a lack of energy but that does not mean we don’t still need love and community! 

5. Make room for correction and connection

Learning about IBD can be complex and everyone with it has very different experiences so create room for feedback and empathy if you say something wrong or hurtful. Allow for a bonding experience when someone shares their experience with you and love them more for it! I genuinely love when people ask me about my IBD and that allows me to feel whole.