By Amy Weider
Growing up with Crohn’s Disease you tend to miss a lot of the action: birthday parties, hanging out with friends, and even going to school. It was either I was sick or stuck at another pediatric GI appointment that was 2 hours from my house. And to be honest, for most of my childhood I didn't really have friends. Because of my Crohns, anxiety, and depression, all of which were connected, maintaining friendships was not something I could do. The beginning of high school was just as rough and I lost a lot of friends over my unhealthy coping mechanisms for my depression and, while painful, it taught me a lot. Around my junior year of high school I got the help I needed and my Crohns began to go into remission. I was able to find friends and learn just what it means to have them. I have always been a bit of a weirdo and to find a solid pack of reliable folks that embraced me for my unapologetic behavior and I theirs was a lot more important than I had realized. My now chosen family (LGBTQ way of saying best friends) from college met me when my Crohns was very stable and I had to explain my disease to them. From this, I put together a few ways I found was a good way for them to show me their support and that made me feel their love and commitment.
1. Do your research!!
When a friend opens up to you about their experience it is smart to do a little more investigating to have a medical understanding of the disease. Read some CCYAN articles or follow content creators who have IBD. Also, allowing for space for your friends to open up about their experience with it and understand no two persons have the same lived experience or symptoms.
2. Be flexible
IBD can be VERY unpredictable so if you are one of those friends who shame folks for needing to cancel plans or change them (or shame folks in general) reconsider why you do this! A friend’s health, mental or physical, should be your first priority! Be flexible and allow for change.
3. Think about where the group is going to eat before hand
Simple things like this can really make a difference in a friends restaurant experience a lot easier. Ask your friends their dietary restrictions and do not assume that someone who has IBD also has dietary restrictions. Dietary restrictions can really make folks feel like a burden so be transparent and pick a spot for everyone!
4. Support them on good and bad days
It can be rough some days and not pretty. If you haven’t heard from a friend with IBD in a while, reach out. Flares can cause a lack of energy but that does not mean we don’t still need love and community!
5. Make room for correction and connection
Learning about IBD can be complex and everyone with it has very different experiences so create room for feedback and empathy if you say something wrong or hurtful. Allow for a bonding experience when someone shares their experience with you and love them more for it! I genuinely love when people ask me about my IBD and that allows me to feel whole.