My IBD Life: Travelling with an Ostomy

By Nikhil Jayswal

Hi everyone!

I hope 2020 has been good for you so far. I am looking forward to a great year ahead. The month of January was packed with many happy moments. The happiest of them was the marriage of my younger brother which happened a few days ago. The wedding was more beautiful than I could’ve ever dreamed and I was overwhelmed with emotions. However, the wedding was also quite a challenge for me. It pushed me to do something I had always been afraid to do and that is what I have decided to share with you in this post.

I have Crohn’s Disease, which unfortunately didn’t respond to any drug. Hence I was given an ileostomy. My stoma saved me, but it did bring with itself a different set of problems to be managed. Travel is one such problem. My stoma is a high-output stoma. I empty my ostomy bag when it is near 90-100% full, which usually happens every 4-5 hours. This poses a problem for me when travelling for more than 2-3 hours.

There are several issues here. I could empty my bag in a public toilet, but there are not many clean public toilets in India. Additionally, people with IBD and/or an ostomy are NOT recognised as disabled. We cannot use accessible toilets which are often much cleaner. Then there’s the taboo associated with poo and the disease and the ostomy bag. Then there’s my slight OCD. :P Because of all these reasons, I’ve never emptied my bag in a public toilet. It has always been my home or a hotel room. When I have to travel, I starve myself for a whole day in advance. It empties my stomach and I travel without worry. It works well for me if the duration of travel is less than 6 hours.

It was a 2-day wedding with a 14 hour long trip to and from the wedding destination. This meant that if I wanted to avoid emptying my pouch on the road, I would have to eat only twice within 5 days. I had never done such a thing before. Doing routine tasks on an empty stomach is very difficult with an ileostomy. This was a wedding! I also had to take care of everything from the groom’s side, which meant that I wouldn't get much sleep or rest. This wedding was going to test my endurance to the limits which made me very anxious.

Somehow, I managed to do it all for three days. But on the fourth day, I ate more than I was supposed to. I was feeling so hungry that I couldn’t stop once I started eating. Also, this was very spicy food which is a big no-no for me. It is a major flare trigger and makes my stoma go nuts. I emptied my pouch before I boarded the bus back home. After 5 hours, my bag was half full. In the next 3 hours, it was 80% full. I was nervous and trying to decide if I could hold out for 6 more hours. After an hour, my bag was full. I knew if I didn’t empty it, a leak would happen. That would make things much much worse for me. So I had to do what I had never done before.

The bus stopped near a restaurant for a short break. I took some wipes, garbage bags, gloves and a fresh pouch with me, and asked my Mom to accompany me. This was the first time I was doing anything like this. I wanted someone to be there to help me in case something went wrong. I tucked a garbage bag in my pants below my stoma and wore gloves. My hands were shaking. After a deep breath, I removed my pouch carefully from the two-piece ostomy system on my stomach and let it fall into the bag. I prayed for my stoma to stay silent for the next 2 minutes. Fortunately, it did. I quickly attached a new pouch and breathed a sigh of relief. I bagged my old pouch twice and then disposed of it. I then had a small meal. My stoma didn’t produce much output for the next 6 hours and by the time I was home, it was only half full. I slept that night with a full stomach which felt very peaceful after the long trip.

I had never done such a thing before, and I probably won’t do it again unless it’s an emergency or a long duration journey. This is an expensive workaround for me. Ostomy bags are not covered by insurance in India. I cannot keep throwing away pouches every 4 hours if I decide to eat during a trip.

I am going back to college after a week. It is a 2.5-hour flight. Adding the time required for travelling to and from the airport and the check-in process, I will need a quiet stoma for 6-8 hours. Hence, I will be starving myself for a day beforehand. Later in May, I have to travel from New Delhi to Chicago for Digestive Disease Week. The travel time is around 24 hours. I will be starving myself for a day again. However, I am planning to eat during the flight. I’ll replace my pouch either during the layover or mid-flight.

Having IBD with an ostomy creates many difficulties for me. Depending on my intestine’s reaction to the food I’m eating, my stoma activity varies. This uncertainty is difficult to deal with. Every time I travel, I wish there were cleaner toilets that I could use. Every time I travel, I fear leaks, because I don’t know what I’d do if one happens. I also wonder if people will be kind to me. Travel was stressful for me even when I didn’t have an ostomy and relied on diapers. I couldn’t change diapers everywhere. I feared the looks I would get from people if I did it in a public toilet. The lack of proper sanitation facilities for the IBD population creates so much distress that many young people do not leave their homes and stop socializing. This seclusion further leads to depression.

In India, being a young adult with IBD is a challenge. Most of us compromise on many other aspects of our life just to be able to work or study. As for travel, I think if we are allowed to use accessible toilets, things will be much easier for us. It will permit us to live a more fulfilling life.

I don’t like ending things on a sad note, which is why I generally refrain from sharing my story. As I share my struggles with you, I’d hate to leave you feeling disappointed. So I’ll leave you with a few words from “Beautiful Pain” by Eminem. These words often inspire me when I am disappointed. I hope they inspire you too.

I'm standing in the flames

It's a beautiful kind of pain

Setting fire to yesterday

Find the light, find the light, find the light

Thank you for listening to me. Have a good day! :)

Piecing Together My Chronic Illness Puzzle

By Grady Stewart

Photo by Hans-Peter Gauster on Unsplash

“There’s the me who existed before I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis, and there’s the me who is living now after my diagnosis.”

There’s this fuzzy feeling that sticks to me sometimes when I think about the past. It’s especially prominent when I reflect on dusty memories wedged in time between late 2015, the season of my diagnosis with Ulcerative Colitis, and today. It’s sticky, soft, and sickly sweet like an overripe peach turning into a goopy marinade. It’s not an unpleasant feeling, or even unfamiliar. It flows through my body, sending tingly waves crashing through my veins, and turning all of my nerves to spiderwebs. In these periods of reflection, I feel incredibly present and grounded, yet out of place. The clips of my life are lifted out of their slots, and thrown into a random order.

Poetry aside, it’s hard to explain why I feel so odd when I think about who I was in the past. Maybe it’s melancholy. Maybe it’s nostalgia. If you ask me, it’s my body’s autoimmune reaction to change. It turns out I’m allergic to more than just seasonal pollen. When you live with a chronic illness, from the moment you’re diagnosed, the world becomes more chaotic. When I woke up from my initial colonoscopy, everything was spinning around me. That could have been the result of the anesthesia wearing off. However, it was also the first time I stopped recognizing my own body.

To go from being healthy to sick forever is a gigantic change. It’s looking into a murky puddle and seeing ripples rippling your reflection apart. You’re still the same person, but in that instant, you’re completely different too. An experience like that is enough to send anyone into a tailspin. On top of all that, when you’re diagnosed with IBD, everything else in your life seems to start changing more frequently and much faster. You change doctors. You change medications. You change diets. Sometimes, even your friends change.

You change so much when you’re chronically ill and the rest of your life starts to feel unfamiliar. Most people go through several periods in their lives. They have a childhood, teenage years, young adulthood, adulthood, and older age. I’m working my way through those life periods too. However, the difference is that change has shattered the stages of my life into two fragments. There’s the me who existed before I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis, and there’s the me who is living now after my diagnosis. As a result, my past and present selves feel disconnected. The puzzle pieces of my life don’t quite fit together. There’s too many corner pieces, and not enough patchy centerpieces.

I’m learning to accept the changes that have changed my life and the changes that I can’t control. I am different from who I was, but I’m proud of who I am, and who I am becoming. Living with a chronic illness isn’t easy, and accepting a new life isn’t any easier. It means giving up on normal. It means embracing imperfect, and living with the unexpected. Over time, I’ve learned that isn’t failure or an insurmountable obstacle. Change has forced me to grow, to learn, and to adapt. I’ve met new friends, and I’ve accomplished things that I never thought were possible in the past. Acceptance isn’t a solid thing, it's a fluid and evolving process. Today, I’m less concerned about the pieces of my story being perfect. Instead, I’m happy to have a jumbled pile of pieces to put together in my own weird and unique way.

Besides, who wants to be normal anyway?

Coming to Terms with Crohn's

By Simon Stones

“This year marks twelve years since I received my diagnosis, and it is true that time is a great healer.”

Life has a funny way of teaching us many things. It presents us with a number of challenges along the uphill journey, though some people get more than their fair share. As a child, it’s sometimes difficult to understand why you’ve been so unlucky. “What have I done to deserve this?” Having lived with juvenile arthritis from the age of three, I had grown up knowing nothing else but hospitals, treatment and pain – making me feel different than everyone else.

At the age of 12, I began to develop some new bowel-related symptoms, which were largely ignored or overlooked. My mum fought over twelve months to get me referred to a paediatric gastroenterologist, since she knew there was something seriously wrong. I was dealing with excruciating abdominal pain, the embarrassment of having to run out of class to go to the bathroom, and I had a genuine fear of having to use the public toilets in school. Despite the in-depth description of symptoms to my local doctor and hospital specialists, I was repeatedly told that the only thing wrong with me was constipation. Instead of further investigations, I was prescribed laxatives, which only made matters worse.

My mum had repeatedly asked for a colonoscopy and gastroscopy to be done to rule anything out, to little avail. Mum had diverticulitis, a condition characterised by infection or inflammation of pouches that can form in your intestines. Since some of the symptoms were similar, we began to wonder whether I had the same condition. I had been more or less guaranteed that it wouldn’t be Crohn’s disease or ulcerative colitis, since I wasn’t a typical patient – what even is one of those!?

After many more months of fighting for an answer, I finally saw a paediatric gastroenterologist who decided to investigate using a colonoscopy and gastroscopy. Again, he seemed quite certain that it wasn’t ulcerative colitis or Crohn’s disease, given that my weight had been fairly stable, and my inflammatory markers hadn’t changed significantly, bearing in mind they were already elevated – but that was put down to the arthritis. I don’t think the healthcare professionals meant to make me feel this way, but I had begun to question whether it was all in my head. Nobody seemed to believe what I was experiencing, except my mum and dad, which is really hard to deal with. It certainly dented my confidence.

The day for the camera investigations arrived. It was Monday 21st April 2008. I hadn’t packed a bag as the plan was a day case admission for the camera investigations under general anaesthetic. For me, the worst part of the colonoscopy was definitely the bowel preparation you have to take – I feel nauseous just thinking about it! I still struggle getting the stuff down now for follow-up colonoscopies! So, I walked down to theatre, the anaesthetic was injected into my veins and I quickly drifted off. The earliest memories I have after the camera investigations was feeling incredibly sore (presumably where the biopsies had been taken), and I was lay in bed in a side room, with my parents by my side. Very shortly after, I remember the consultant coming into the room, before sitting on the side of the bed.

---

You know there’s bad news when somebody looks at you, tilts their head, and then sits down. “Simon, I’m so very sorry…” Before he had chance to finish his sentence, every worst possible thought came rushing into my head. “I never expected to find what I have found – it took us all by surprise.” He then told me that I had Crohn’s disease, and went onto say that as well severe inflammation and ulceration throughout my intestine, my entire oesophagus and stomach was inflamed and ulcerated too. After further descriptions, he finished by saying, “I’m sorry that we didn’t believe you.” After years of suffering, someone had finally listened to me. Despite the diagnosis, I was so relieved. I wasn’t going mad.

That relief, unfortunately, was short-lived. On the night when I was diagnosed, my parents had left briefly to eat. I was in a side-room, shut off from the rest of the world. All of a sudden, a wave of grief came over me, and I burst out crying. The thought –of having this disease for the rest of my life terrified me. Having read about Crohn’s during my fight for a diagnosis, I had read of so many people requiring surgery and ostomies as a result of Crohn’s disease, and this really did frighten me. Sadly, I didn’t know all what I knew now.

“After years of suffering, someone had finally listened to me.”

Treatment began almost immediately, and I had to stop injecting the biological treatment for my arthritis, since it had been ‘masking’ the Crohn’s disease. My doctor also instructed me to start a polymeric diet, which is a special liquid diet consisting of daily nutrient-packed milkshake-like drinks that I would need to take for eight weeks.

Each bottle was 250 ml, and based on my weight at the time, I was told I would need eight of these a day – that’s two litres of the stuff! This was also on the presumption that I would not eat or drink anything else but water for that period. I managed day one, and then struggled trying to get all of these drinks down. I thought it would be a doddle drinking these ‘chocolate and strawberry-flavoured milkshakes’ – but it wasn’t! It became even more tormenting when I returned to school on this polymeric diet, still feeling ill, and watching everyone else eat and go about their daily lives normally. I wasn’t ready to be back at school – physically and mentally, so I went back home and was home tutored for a couple of months.

As time went by, the polymeric diet did its job, and enabled my digestive system to rest. I tried to observe patterns in foods which seemed to make me worse, but other than green salads, vegetables and spicy foods, I couldn’t identify much else. Over the years, Crohn’s disease has just become another part of my life. After diagnosis, I tried to find out as much information as possible, though I didn’t have the opportunity to meet and chat with other young people living with Crohn’s disease or ulcerative colitis, which was a real shame.

This year marks twelve years since I received my diagnosis, and it is true that time is a great healer. I’ve never forgotten, nor will I ever forget, the pain and trials that I have faced because of Crohn’s disease, alongside my other health problems. However, I have learned to live with my conditions, getting on with what I want to achieve in the way I want to do so. Sometimes, it’s not easy, and there are times when it sometimes feels too much, but you do get there. As life has taught me in many ways, it can be incredibly short, and there are so many others who are worse off than me. So, if I can do something, I will, and I’ll do it with all my heart!

Reflections on Being Diagnosed with a Chronic Illness as a Child

By Leah Clark

When I was twelve years old, I was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease. From personal experience, I believe that being diagnosed at a young age can be seen as a blessing and a curse. Of course I am partially biased; I don’t want to go through my life wishing that I had been diagnosed at a later age. There is literally nothing that can be done to change that. With that, let’s start with the bad news about being young and diagnosed with a chronic illness. At the time, I didn’t fully understand what what was going on half the time. I remember feeling healthy, and then all of a sudden, I was feeling awful all the time. I would could home from school exhausted; I barely ate anything because everything made my stomach hurt. It wasn’t like a normal cold with the sniffles and running nose. That I could recognize, but these new painful experiences were different, and I didn’t know what was going on until I finally went to the doctor.

Reflecting now, I realize what else was going on, apart from getting Crohn’s disease. Part of my childhood was taken away from me, and that’s a pretty big statement. A part of my childhood was not lived because I was too sick to live it. While other kids my age were able to go to pizza parties and stay up late at sleepovers, I literally was too exhausted to keep up. Along with Crohn’s, I was also diagnosed with Celiac disease, so I can’t eat gluten anymore. Not only was I that sick pale girl with bathroom problems, I also couldn’t eat half of the diet a normal child eats. No chicken nuggets and pizza rolls. I had to bring my own snacks when it was someone’s birthday at school. This was also a time before the gluten free diet fads exploded the industry, so there were not many options for me that didn’t include basic foods. You never realize how integral food is in American culture until you can’t eat it anymore.

“A part of my childhood was not lived because I was too sick to live it.”

Aside from missing out on those experiences, I also missed out on social and developmental aspects. For example, in my middle school, there were a lot of tall, athletic girls and boys that participated in volleyball, basketball, tennis, track, cross country, so on and so on throughout the year. Sure, middle school sports aren’t really that much in terms of importance, but at that age, sports signified a time to spend two hours with your friends outside of the classroom. I wanted to be part of that. I didn’t want to miss out on what my friends talked about, who they were talking to, all the hot gossip. You know, typical middle school things. However, I was not good at sports, like, at all. While all my other friends were growing up, getting taller and having fun actually being good at sports, I was not. I was malnourished for so long that I skipped that part of purperty. In fact, I’m still the same height that I was in 8th grade, 5’2. Maybe this is why I don’t like participating in sports even to this day. I feel like I don’t “fit in” in the activity, and I sometimes still get angry that I can’t be better at them.

Anyways, the point I’m trying to make is not that I was bad at sports when I was younger, or that I couldn’t eat birthday cake with everyone. The point I’m trying to make is that I was deprived of childhood experiences that I would consider vital in growing up. Some days, I wish that I had a different childhood; I wish I wasn’t diagnosed when I was so young. It brought not only sadness into my life, but a lot of anger, for a long time. I was forced to grow up faster than my classmates. Heck, I understood how healthcare worked at the age of 14. But, it’s frustrating to be a child and not understand why bad things are happening to you for no reason. For awhile, I felt like I was being punished for something. Why do bad things happen to a good people? Am I a bad person? It took so long for me to realize that sometimes, life sucks, and sometimes good people get sick.

The picture on the left is my 6th grade school photo. My face was thin. I hated smiling. I felt like a ghost being trapped in a body I didn’t recognize. The picture on the right was taken this summer, almost ten years after the other. It’s safe to say I don’t feel that way anymore.

That being said, being diagnosed at a young age was also a blessing in disguise because I was an impressionable pre-teen and able to adapt to my new lifestyle of having a chronic illness in the same way I adapted to other major changes in my life (puperty, middle school, etc). I thought of it as, “Well, I guess this is a thing now,” and I just accepted it as my new life. It wasn’t until later when I would look back on my life that I realized I had experienced some pretty tough things. Of course, I didn’t love it at the time. Who would love having to explain to all your classmates why your face looks like an inflated balloon from prednisone? Or why you have to skip school to go to the doctor’s office for infusions every few weeks? I was lucky enough to go into remission fairly quickly after diagnosis, and (most) classmates did not even discuss my disease with me because it wasn’t affecting my day to day life. I have spent almost half of my entire life living with Crohn’s disease. I know tricks to help with flares. I’ve had years of experience in learning what foods affect my body. Yes, it has been a learning process, but as I grow older, I will be gaining more and more knowledge on how to handle my disease. I learn more about myself and what kind of person I want to be everyday. These experiences, though rough, have shaped me into the person I am today.

I was able to adapt to my new lifestyle of having a chronic illness in the same way I adapted to other changes in my life. I thought of it as, “Well, I guess this is a thing now,” and I accepted it as my new life.

The one thing about being diagnosed at a young age that outshines all the rest is the fact that I have met so many wonderful people with the same disease as me. I was diagnosed in the summer of 2009, and that same summer was the year my parents sent me to a summer camp for kids with inflammatory bowel diseases. I was a camper there every year from then on for six years and was fortunate enough to be a counselor for four years after. It was such a joy to meet kids my age that knew exactly what I was dealing with. We were able to share stories, give eachother advice on how to handle our illnesses, and just spend a week being a “normal” camper. I am happy to have been diagnosed at a young age, because I was able to meet other kids that were diagnosed at a young age, too. It’s a special bond. I have made lasting friendships with mnay people, and it has been an amazing journey. I understand not everyone diagnosed at a young age was able to meet people their age with their illness. IBD can be a very isolating disease, but the thing I find to be one of the best things about my illness is the community established from it. A good support system can honestly be the difference in someone’s life that changes how they look at their disease. I know for me, just the fact of knowing there were other kids like me, helped me so much with my when I was younger.

If I could give just one piece of advice to someone with IBD, it would be to establish a support system. If you haven’t met anyone that has IBD, I encourage you to seek them out. Whether that be a club on your college campus, a support group in your town, or even online, meeting other people will similiar experiences with you can be se rewarding. I was fortunate enough to establish these relationships at such a young age, and for that, I am grateful to have been diagnosed with my chronic illness as a child.

Doing the imPOSSIBLE while living with IBD

By Andi Nowakowski

Limitations and sacrifice are an unfortunate aspect of living with a chronic condition, which is why I was very excited when, this summer, I was able to take part in an activity I’ve been wanting to do for a long time; I donated blood.

It may not sound like much, but between the numerous immunosuppressants I take on a daily basis, my Crohn’s disease diagnosis and all the issues that are in tandem with IBD, I didn’t know if this was a donation I would ever be able to make. Even so, when the company I was interning with over the summer announced it was hosting a blood drive, I decided to do some research and was surprised to find that I would likely be able to contribute!

Whew! This experience was a rewarding mix of anxiety and exhilaration. The day of the blood drive arrived, and I was asked to fill out a survey that included questions about my age, weight, specific medication use, surgeries, etc. They checked my vitals and iron levels and deduced that I was a good candidate to donate. The only thing left to do was sit down and give over some of my life-saving bodily fluids-- an accomplishment I have been dreaming about for years. 

The nurse warned me to look away as she was about to place the needle, advice that, as a professional patient, I flippantly dismissed. Being an IBD patient, I am used to being poked and prodded with needles. Let me tell ya, that needle was MUCH larger than I anticipated. A word to the wise, if you have a fear of needles, you may want to keep your eyes averted at all costs should you decide to donate. In the end, it took about 15 minutes. They took a pint of blood while I sat in a reclining chair and enjoyed a well-earned snack. I was shocked at the amount of blood they drained out of me. Turns out, the average person has about 10-12 pints of blood in circulation but only needs about 8 to function normally. Honestly, though, I was really proud of myself for taking on this challenge and pushing my own limits.

Donating blood is a thankless, but worthwhile task. The person who will ultimately end up receiving your blood will never know who you are, but it is a life-saving and meaningful endeavor. For many, donating blood is a routine measure and most people probably don’t think twice about it, but for me, it was a way of giving back a little bit of good to the world. It was my way of saying, “Screw you Crohn’s.” It was my silent triumph against IBD and the limitations that come with it. The goal of this article is not to persuade you to go out and donate blood. I will say that it was physically challenging for me to do so. That being said, I do hope to inspire you to push yourself and seek out the endless possibilities that this world has to offer. Be patient with yourself and your condition, but don’t let IBD stop you from pursuing your dreams. Allow your experiences to strengthen your resolve and keep challenging yourself to experience all that you can. 

As one of our founders, the late Cory Lane, used to say, “live each day like an adventure.”

Andi

Crohn's in College: The importance of understanding flare-ups and your disease

By Erin Ard

I've been living with #CrohnsDisease for 11 years, but even with years of experiences, mishaps, and triumphs, I feel I'm still learning how it affects me. One of the biggest realizations happened recently when I was in college. Around my junior year I had hit a wall. It was becoming increasingly harder to navigate my studies and my energy level was draining rapidly. I had been taking classes year round for three straight years, taking classes in the summer and having heavy, difficult course loads to accommodate my second major and research. Unbeknownst to me, I was actually neglecting my health.

I started consistent Remicade treatments in high school and the difference it made was 100 fold. I went from an underweight, fatigued freshmen to a strong, motivated sophomore. The change was so positively significant that I thought all of my worries about Crohn's were behind me. I could eat good food again! And play competitively in sports! And I carried this mindset into college. I thought my struggle was over and could focus all my energy on school.. And I carried this mindset into college. Turns out I was wrong.

After a few painful semesters I started to realize what was happening. I was starting to get burnt out, I was sleep deprived and running on fumes. I was struggling with my motivation and my anxiety was building. Though seemingly dormant, my Crohn's disease was still affecting my mind and body.

I had ignored all of the signs up until this point. The fatigue and anxiety I felt in classrooms. The random little fevers during an important lecture that distracted me. The joint pain that slowed my walk to class or hindered my ability to exercise. The gut discomfort during an exam that forced me to finish quickly to get the hell out of there. And finally the gut-wrenching pains that made it impossible to walk. Everything added up, but it took me three years in college to see.

Starting my senior year I sought accommodations from our Disability Center on campus, which alleviated most of the worries set in place by my Crohn's. However, I was left wondering.. Why did it take me so long to figure out Crohn's still had a big impact on my daily life?

Essentially, it came down to my personality and one big misconception. During the initial stages, Crohn's had such an emotional impact that I've always tried to shut it out. In shutting it out, I failed to seek out information from outside resources and tried to figure it out on my own. In doing so, this lead to one big misconception around the focal point of Crohn's disease - flare ups.

I never generally understood what they are, their causes, how to help remedy them, and everything else. See, before I went on Remicade I was in a constant state of flaring up. I was unable to get it under control long enough to have a normal bowel movement. Which meant I wasn't able to eat much and I didn't have a lot of energy. I lived off of my mom's homemade chicken noodle soup and mashed potatoes because they were the only meals gentle enough to my gut. Here is what I have learned since then.

Flare-ups are periods of time when the disease becomes active and symptoms reappear. They consist of prolonged symptoms like gut pain from inflammation, diarrhea, blood in the stool, fatigue, and/or weight-loss. How long the symptoms last and the severity of them is different from person to person. Some medication, like Remicade/Renflexis/Infliximab, is specifically used to control symptoms enough to enter remission (i.e. an absence of symptoms or inactive disease), which means no flare-ups! Medication may be combined with other meds or diet restructuring to help keep symptoms under control. Over time, however, the same treatment regimen may not have the same affect. So adjustments in type of medication, dosage or frequency, or further diet modifications may be needed. Here, this whole time, I had thought of my disease as in remission, inactive, and needing no more thought. When in reality, it's going to be an every day effort.

See this article from Very Well Health to learn more about flare-ups and different ways to define remission.

My personal tip is to pay attention to what your body tells you. Focus on whether certain symptoms are still present - do you have gut pain? Diarrhea? Painful bowl movements? Other non-gut related symptoms? Pay attention to how long these symptoms persist and take notes. This might mean your Crohn's or Colitis is still active and it's important to tell your health team. If one thing just isn't doing the trick, there might be additional options to help you reach your potential in healthy living. And if you haven't already, seek out information about the disability center on your campus!

I've recently started to pay more attention to my body's responses. What used to be my response to the question, "What can you eat?" has changed from, "Oh, I can eat anything!" to, "Well.. I'm still trying to figure that out." In all honesty, I AM still figuring it out. Though certain foods don't affect me like they did before medication, they still influence how I feel. And it is my responsibility to make sure I take care of myself by eating the right foods and not the wrong ones.

Be attentive. Always seek a better understanding. Don't be afraid to ask questions or ask for help. And most importantly, take care of yourself!

In the Name of Love: The Importance of Having a Support System

By Erin Dunne

Stomach cramps, constipation, diarrhea, fatigue, low FODMAP diet, gluten-free diet, dairy-free diet, little fat, no sugar, no caffeine, MRIs, CT scans, GI exams, Prednisone, Remicade… the list goes on and on. If you have #IBD, the chances of you encountering at least one of these things at some point in your life is very high. Some individuals have what can be seen as "easier" cases; they are put on a single treatment plan that keeps their symptoms at bay and may even lead to clinical remission. There are others that may jump from treatment plan to treatment plan without seeming to find one that ultimately works for them. Each journey of somebody with IBD is unique, and while we can empathize with others and find comfort in similarities we may share, it is easy to feel alone in this adventure. Despite frustrations we may feel at any given point, it is essential to establish strong relationships to lean into and lift us — relationships with friends, family, professors, and ourselves.

Through love, even the impossible seems practical, and with a disease that is so unpredictable, this rationale is comforting.

I have had Crohn's Disease for thirteen years now, and I can honestly say that through the years, most of my strength has been obtained through my relationships with others. For many years, I was one of the fortunate individuals that often did not feel as though I had an illness. I took two pills a day, was not restricted to a specific way of eating, and experienced few symptoms. Compared to my friends around me, the only difference between us was that I had to take medicine at certain times of the day and had monthly doctors' appointments. Despite these minor differences, I still felt isolated from others my age. In my world, I was the only person I knew with IBD and had no idea of the various severities of the same condition. It wasn't until I attended Camp Oasis- Michigan that my eyes were finally opened, and I no longer felt alone in this journey.

My third summer at Camp Oasis. Can you spot me and CCYAN Admin, Sneha?

Throughout my time at camp, I met so many people with different stories, and I was fascinated by every one of them. Not only was it wonderful to be able to relate with others my age but also to idolize the older campers and counselors for how strong they were. I returned to camp for four summers and connected with so many lovely individuals throughout the years that have helped shape my life; some of which I still am in contact with!

I highly recommend trying to include people that have experienced IBD into your support system because not only do you gain more love in your life, but also people that get what you're going through! If you're anything like me and don't have family members or friends that are familiar with the disease, it can be hard to share stories, concerns, even successes without feeling like they're not entirely understood. (Sorry mom for the various bowel movement updates, but thanks for listening!) Getting in contact with others can be very easy! Communities like CCYAN, CCFA, Camp Oasis, and any groups through universities, hospitals are all great places to start. While each story is different, we are far more alike than you would think.

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Although I mentioned earlier that I had considered myself lucky to have an easier time with Crohn's, the past two years have been anything but that. With being on the same medication for most of my life, it stopped being effective and could no longer support the inflammation in my system. I have been dealing with a reoccurring flare since and have gone through various forms of treatment to try to tame my symptoms. At first, I had become more aware of food intolerances, often experiencing diarrhea, severe bloating, and severe stomach cramps. Through trial and error, I have found a diet based on whole foods (vegetables, fruit, fish, poultry, nuts) makes me feel my best but I am still finding things that do not agree with my body (rip mangoes… you will be missed). I am currently taking Humira but am exploring other medication options. Even with all of the changes I have implemented to ease my symptoms, I know I can experience much better and strive to heal my body as much as possible.

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I would be lying if I said I was always hopeful during this process of finding a treatment that my body reacts best to. There have been times I have broken down due to being so frustrated with not seeing or feeling any improvement; sometimes I can feel as though I am my childhood self upon the first diagnosis, scared and alone. At my lowest times, it can be easiest to isolate myself and wallow in my self-pity, but luckily, I have learned that my support group of friends and family, although they can't relate on a personal level, are always there to listen and help to the best of their ability. Being away from home for school, I am not able to lean on my family as much as I would have in the past. Although I have always been independent, it is comforting to know that I have loved ones around that are there for me through my struggles and my successes (never underestimate the power of a hug). I have been blessed to find another form of a family at Spring Arbor through wonderful friends that I love with all of my heart. Even though we have not known each other long, it is as though I have known them a lifetime. They go through my problems alongside me, help me come up with solutions, and act as my parents when I am sick and unable to leave my dorm room.

A few weeks ago, I was experiencing terrible symptoms; I was trapped in my bathroom the majority of the weekend and did not have much of an appetite. My friends knew I was not able to walk to the Dining Commons, so they took it upon themselves to bring me bananas and easy to digest, bland foods. Another day, I had expressed frustration with not having a doctor at the moment and feeling as though my current treatment plan was not working. My friend spent her afternoon going through scholarly articles and websites to find information on healing diets, fixing nutrient imbalances, and alternative healing techniques. Other times, when we are eating out or visiting someones home, they make sure I have something I will be able to eat. To say I feel loved and fulfilled is an understatement! I cannot stress enough the importance of having a support system in your life.

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Whether you're currently dealing with IBD, mental illness, body image, etc, being able to express love for others as well as receive love from them is beneficial for your brain and your well-being! It does not matter what the size of your support system is or who is in it, as long as these individuals support and love you and are positive additions to your life. I hope while reading this you have thought of a few people that are currently in your life that help you each day, even in the littlest way. I encourage you to reach out to them and let them know how much they are appreciated! If you have interest in growing your circle or want to start one, as I have previously mentioned, there are plenty of ways to get involved and meet people from your area, different states, and even around the world. The ladies at CCYAN would love to hear your stories, connect with you and help in any way possible. Feel free to contact me with any questions, or if you simply want to talk!

Stay Lovely,

Erin

New Year. New Experiences.

By Erin Ard

Hi everyone! I wanted to kick off this new year by sharing more about me, my experience with #IBD, and my goals being one of your IBD Fellows!

For a snap-shot of my life, I love creative writing, drawing, vamping up old furniture, and DIY projects. You can usually find me watching a romantic comedy with a glass of wine, playing Mario Party with my roommates, cooking up new healthy recipes from scratch, or camping at my parent's trailer in central Wisconsin. I am terrible at taking pictures, so I rely on my friends to document our adventures. I love everything about fall - the comfy sweaters, jumping into piles of leaves, and pumpkin spice flavored coffee drinks. I found a love for human ecology and nutritional sciences when I attended University of Wisconsin - Madison, #GoBadgers! I have a passion for helping others live a healthy life, especially people living with a chronic disease. I am 23 and I've been living with Crohn's disease for 10 years now.

Crohn's has had a great impact on how I live my life. It has taught me a lot about myself and as much as I like to think otherwise, still affects me today. Many of my symptoms have faded but I can name a few that decided to stick around. Hip joint pain, gut pain, fatigue, random short-lived fevers, anxious thoughts, and more. Although, I'm still trying to figure out if and how Crohn's plays a role in my anxious tendencies.

I've been on Remicade for 9 years, so its normal to see small bruises on my arms from IV tubes and getting blood drawn. One of the many perks of living with Crohn's is having people point out or question my colorful arm bruises :).

Aside from medication, a healthy, well-balanced diet has been my focus since I was diagnosed. I also try to incorporate other practices to make a healthy lifestyle for myself. I have adopted mindful practice to discern any connections between Crohn's and my mental health. It has also been a great way to manage stress, especially while I was an undergrad. I also try to stay fit by doing fun exercises! For me that is yoga, Pilates, dancing, hiking, running, you name it! I strive to keep both my body and mind strong.

Although, IBD will manifest in everyone's bodies a bit differently and everyone will have different life experiences, I believe we can all learn from each other. I don't know many people with IBD and haven't had much of a voice in the IBD community yet, so I joined the CCYANetwork to connect with others and share my views. I am using this platform as a way to connect with you and find peace by bringing this source of insecurity to the surface. I hope some of you will find thoughtful inspiration from my stories.

With love,

Erin