By Simon Stones
R&R… rest and relaxation – a concept I have long struggled to grasp, but one which I have learned to embrace, and enjoy over the last few months while being in lockdown.
Life in lockdown, because of COVID-19, has been a new and uncomfortable experience for many. Though for many people, like me, who have experienced isolation because of ill health, there has been a sense of familiarisation with what it’s like to be in isolation. Having your freedom taken away from you… being told what you can and cannot do… feeling cut-off from friends and family… worrying that your life is at risk. These are all experiences which so many with chronic conditions like inflammatory bowel disease (IBD) can understand, though in 2020, the wider population have had a glimpse of what that life is like, and how unpleasant and distressing it can be.
Having been unable to do so much because of ill health during my lifetime, it will come as no surprise that if I am well and able to do something, I certainly will do – even if I have to suffer the day after, because I overdid it on a ‘good’ day. I’m pretty sure that most people with chronic conditions have been there! We are told to overcome this pattern of activity by ‘pacing’. To some degree, I try to pace my life, but in reality, it’s not so easy! When you’re feeling unwell, you rest… when you’re feeling better, you try to cram as much in as possible. Life is so busy, and it’s difficult, especially after periods when you had no choice but to feel disengaged from the world, to not want to squeeze in as much as possible. After all, with conditions like IBD, you never quite know when the next flare up may happen. I have been entirely guilty of this – and hold my hands up! Over the last few years, my health has generally been okay. I have daily struggles, and have to manage pain, fatigue and other limitations, but I am generally able to function. This has meant that I’ve been working full time on my PhD, working part-time in a freelance capacity and volunteering tens and tens of hours per week, on top of caring for my late mum, housework and socialising. It’s safe to say that I was driving through life at 100 miles per hour, not necessarily realising the impact of trying to squeeze everything in.
I started to re-prioritise commitments in 2019 as I started to care for mum on a full-time basis during what would be her final few months. While caring for mum full-time, I was still trying to balance a full-time PhD, part-time freelance work, and volunteering – mostly because I didn’t want to let people down, and also because I struggled to say ‘no’. I decided enough was enough in July 2019, when I found myself sat up working in the middle of the night, every night. I felt totally drained. Despite loving what I do, there was no time needed to decide on my number one priority – mum. I suspended my PhD and stepped away temporarily from some voluntary work, keeping some freelance work ongoing to help me pay the bills. Sadly, mum passed away in November 2019, and I didn’t return to my PhD until February 2020, just as COVID-19 escalated. That’s when I really was forced to slow down. All of the conferences, meetings and events in my diary were cancelled, and from March 23rd, the United Kingdom went into ‘lockdown’. I was initially on the ‘shielding’ list and was told not to leave the house for a minimum of 12 weeks. As time went on, guidance from the British Society of Gastroenterology downgraded my level of risk to ‘high risk’, given that I was on biologics but not experiencing a flare, so technically I didn’t need to shield, but should try to do so where possible… which I did.
“Slow down and enjoy every day. Life goes by way too fast.”
I decided that I would be staying at home, full stop. It was the right decision for my own health, my dad’s health (who lives with me), and others in the community. The hardest part of course was not seeing family and friends, but we’ve all been in the same boat.
However, it was during the weeks and months that followed that I really slowed down. Surprisingly, lockdown enabled me to prioritise myself – something which I seldom do. I was now able to do things, just for me, without feeling guilty. It prompted me to stop, think, and remember that it’s not always a good idea to burn yourself out! During lockdown, I have learned to change my pace of life, and I have found surprising benefits on my physical and mental health. It has been nice to be more flexible each day. Don’t get me wrong, I do like to have some structure to the day, otherwise it’s very easy to get nothing done. However, it’s nice to be able to more or less shape my day around what I want to do. Although I have been working on writing up my PhD and doing other pieces of work, I have made more time for myself. Here’s a little flavour of some of those activities…
Yoga
I took up yoga a couple of years ago, but I never kept it up… until lockdown. Admittedly, my activity levels decreased quite a bit during lockdown, especially during the start when I didn’t even go outside for a walk. I felt as though I was seizing up, and so I decided to pick up from where I left off with yoga. I had the mat and the rest of the gear at home, so all I needed was an app. I came across the ‘Down Dog’ app, which was offering free access to all of its content during lockdown. I decided that I would try to do yoga for at least three mornings each week, though I found myself doing it every morning! It quickly became a way for me to ease myself into the day, stretch and loosen up my aching body, focus on my breathing, and ‘be’ here in the present. If you haven’t tried yoga, then I would seriously recommend it; though you may prefer pilates, or something completely different. The most important point is to find something you enjoy and have a go. I’ve noticed the benefits on both my physical and mental well-being, especially over time.
Gardening
I never thought that gardening would be on my list of hobbies that I would enjoy, but there we have it – you can even surprise yourself! We’ve had some beautiful weather during lockdown, and I was fed up of my lacklustre garden, so off I went to transform it! The fences and sheds have been painted, the lawns have been cut, borders and edges have been added, and there are flowers left, right and centre! What a difference. There’s definitely a sense of pride when you see a transformation happen before your eyes – especially one which you have influenced. It was also just a joy to be outdoors, in the fresh air, after being cooked up inside the house. I found it relaxing to be amongst nature – as well as topping up my vitamin D!
Getting outdoors
Once I felt it was safe to do so, I took myself to one of my favourite places, just 15 minutes away from where I live. The views are spectacular over my hometown of Bolton, Manchester and beyond. It’s all so quiet and peaceful – which is just what you need amidst the chaos and misery felt during this horrendous crisis. I realise that I’m incredibly lucky to live in a beautiful part of the country like this – something which others don’t have, though I hope others can find a little haven – whether that be the garden, a local park, or balcony.
Getting crafty
I used to love arts and crafts as a child, so taking this up again was nostalgic, and resurfaced lots of lovely memories of times spent with mum. My favourite card shop closed during the lockdown, so I decided to make my own! I dug out my craft box of ‘bits and bobs’, searched for some ideas online, and had a go at making a few different cards. As you can see, they were simple but effective (or at least I thought so!) I also really enjoyed just doing something, which required my focus and attention, but distracted me completely for everything else going on around me. After all, isn’t that the whole point!?
Totally chilling out
I’m not going to make out that I’ve been super productive throughout lockdown, because I really haven’t! For the first time in ages, I’ve read for pleasure – instead of reading textbooks and research articles. I’ve also gone through lots of films and TV programmes – who doesn’t love a good box set? Having total chill out days, or ‘duvet days’ as I like to call them, are the perfect tonic when you don’t have the impetus to do anything productive.
Sometimes, it takes certain situations to make us re-think the way in which we live, and I know the last twelve months have certainly prompted that for me. I am looking forward to spending time with loved ones, and eventually getting back to doing what I love to do, when it is safe and sensible to do so; but until then, I will carry on as I am doing. I will, however, be trying to continue a slower, more paced way of life, making sure it is filled with the people, experiences and opportunities that I love the most. I hope you can do the same too.
